‘Twas the day when school started, when all through the school
Not a student was stirring, their desks dripped with drool.
The teachers were standing at the front of the room,
In hopes that the bell would ring very soon.
The students were nestled all snug in their chairs,
While visions of recesses erased all their cares.
And principal in her office, and I in my sweater,
Had just said a prayer that things would get better.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my room to see what was the matter.
Away to my door I flew like a flash,
Tore open the door and prepared for a clash.
The florescent light on the shiny linoleum floor
Gave the eye such a reflection as to make it sore.
When, what to do I see that’s not beneficial,
But a superintendent and eight others semi-official
With a little old secretary so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be an audit.
More rapid than airplanes his minions they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Patsy! now Julie! now Robert and Darren!
On, Nelda! On Kristin! On Carol and Karen!
To the front of her room! To the smartboard and all!
Now hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up all!
As the ice cracks that before a big person meet,
When it slowly groans, and the person loses their feet.
So up to the front of the room they do go
With a notebook and pencils and an unmeetable goal.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the intercom
The yelling and screaming of a disgruntled mom.
As I drew in my breath, and was turning around,
Down on the floor was a child uttering a horrendous sound.
He was dressed in all black, from his head to his shoe
Nothing he had eaten all day but Mt. Dew.
A wad of papers was gathered in his pack,
He was flailing and whining and lying on his back.
His cries how they echoed! His screams oh how scary!
His legs were like motors and oh how tremendously hairy!
His unhappy little mouth was drawn like a black hole,
And the beard on his chin was not very full.
The stump of a pencil he held tight in his teeth,
For he had no hopes that he would soon have relief.
He had a piece of paper stuck to his shoe,
Ready to do whatever the teacher commanded him to.
His eyes were rimmed red, a right sad old boy,
And I laughed when I saw him, a teacher’s joy.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his finger,
Told me it was his plan, so the minions would not linger.
He spoke not a syllable but went straight to his job
He was going to help me and clear away this mob.
And laying his finger inside of his nose
The superintendent and underlings all froze!
He sprang to his district car, and to his team gave a holler
And no longer did my heart race at this unexpected caller.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight
“I really hate kids-they are such a plight!”
Saturday, December 24, 2011
'Twas
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Directionally challanged
I've tried explaining to people I meet-to no avail-that I am spatially challenged. Most of them laugh when I tell them that's why all the posters in my room are sideways-it prevents me from hanging things crookedly. This leads to Saturday.
I was headed home from The Nutcracker on I15. I can't see in the night anyway and was halfway asleep. I had my seat heater on, heat on my feet and soft music playing in the background. I found myself off of the University Parkway exit in Provo. Shoot! I figured if I just continued heading south, I would eventually hit the freeway again. I drove for 20 minutes-I swear heading southeast. Toward the freeway. After running past several malls, I made it onto the freeway!!! Then I discovered I was a mile back from where I had gotten off-and barely missed getting off the same exit again.
After another hour in the canyon, hoping I was on the road because I can't see. I bought cookies and was headed to my bishop's house to thank him for rescuing me. I put his address into my GPS and was off. The GPS took me past the cemetery onto a dirt road that I run on-kinda freaky at night-down another road that leads to the dump. It then told me to turn right-right into a locked driveway of a business. Thinking it couldn't be right I kept driving. It then told me to keep driving. I turned onto a dirt road and went over a cattle guard. The next 5 minutes I drove on what must have been a goat trail. The GPS kept screaming at me to "turn right" there was no right!!! I found a place to turn around. Finally, it directed me onto a main road. I made my way to his house-realizing that the GPS had tried to take me 10 miles-on deer trails-over a freaking mountain.
From now on I'm staying home!!!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I'm pretty sure I'm going to stop saying that
I hate it when teachers say “from all this talking, I assume you’re done working.” 
B*&^% SHUT UP.
From all of this complaining, I assume you’re still single.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Faggot
On the eve of what is to be a devastating age I will now be listing my favorite
memories/accomplishments from the past 24 years including those with you
guys! These are in no particular order...
25. Lying on the back edge of the couch, drinking Mt. Dew and watching "Sliders" and "The X-Files" with Dad on Friday nights
24. Mom bringing home extra fries for me after she got off her nursing shifts
23. Aimee checking me out of elementary school and getting frozen yogurt at Maverick.
22. Eating half a key lime pie, dying of laughter, and watching movies at Lacey's in Fairbanks
21. Living with Ashlee-her doing a "10 Little Indians" dance
20. Cassie and I playing a shopping game under the ping pong table and trying to paint her living room.
19.
I remember seeing Nat one time in elementary school and thinking how
awesome it was I could see her. Plus countless times she's done my hair
for me!
18. Christian and I driving into school one day and joking
that people probably thought we were dating, and him trying to grab my
hand to be funny.
17. Spencer and I sitting in the theater before
every single Harry Potter movie. The theme song would start to play, and
we'd both give each other a huge smile because we were so excited.
16. Graduating from college
15. Going on the church history tour with Mom, Dad and Spencer
14. Running a marathon
13. Going to Australia
12. Scuba diving
11. Visiting the North Pole
10. Snowmobiling by Patti's house with all the cousins
9.
It was snowing really hard one night while we were feeding cows-it was
dark and cold and we were by the white hutches. Dad started singing "Let
it snow, let it snow, let it snow"
8. Going on a ghost hunt with Ashlee
7. Camping at Cherry Hills
6. Lagoon in the summer with the family
5. Sledding on Old Main Hill
4. Ice skating in Huntsville park
3. The invention of Cafe Rio
2. Countless walks I've taken to explore every where I've lived
1. On second thought maybe I'll stay 21 for another year!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Best days in australia
Where we dived-it was a coral beach
New Horizon-the ship we sailed on for two days
Brittany getting ready to scuba dive
Looking hot-getting ready to scuba dive after snorkeling
Beach in the whit sunday islands
